To Lose  And To Love
by KayBeth13
Summary: Set immediately after the events of Destined to Love or Lose? Lydia moves to Louisiana with Eric a broken woman. Will she fall into an irreversible pit of despair or will she find the strength to return to her former carefree self? Rating may change
1. Aftershocks

_Like I said at the end of Destined To Love Or Lose?, I had an idea for a sequel. After seeing the response I got from the last chapter, I knew I just had to go ahead with my sequel. So here it is; the sequel!_

_..._

The next thing Lydia knew, she was sitting on the floor, heart wrenching sobs escaping from her lips. Sookie's arms wrapped round her, holding her, comforting her but all she could feel was the sorrow of losing the only person she ever truly loved. She wasn't sure how long she stayed on the roof; all she knew was that by the time Sookie managed to coax her off the roof, the sun had completely risen. As the roof door shut behind her, the bang sent a shiver down her spine. Numbly, she walked down the stairs until she reached the floor Eric's room was located. As if on autopilot, she walked up to his door and knocked. When there was no response, she turned the handle and walked into the room, expecting the vampire to be sleeping. Instead, she found him sitting at the end of his bed, thick red tears continuously coursing down his face.

"Eric?" she whispered.

Eric's head snapped up to look at her and gave her a look that told her he was broken. Lydia took a step back, almost afraid of him, knowing that at any moment he could snap. Eric just watched her move away from him and in a moment of weakness, he appeared in front of her at vampire speed and gathered her in his arms, shoving his face into her hair. Lydia stood still for a few seconds before slowly wrapping her arms round his waist and resting her head on his chest as her clear tears joined his red ones. They stayed like that for what felt like hours to Lydia, until she felt her eyelids start to close. Unable to keep herself awake much longer, she looked up at Eric to tell him she had to go back to her room, only to find that he had managed to fall asleep while standing. Using all the strength she could muster, Lydia pushed hard against his chest and gave a small, satisfied smile when he fell backwards and landed on his bed.

Her smile didn't last long as she felt the pull of sleep tugging at her eyelids. She knew it meant going back to her hotel room, but the heartache she felt at the thought of going back there made her quickly decide against it. Instead, she just climbed into bed and curled next to Eric's statuesque body. It took less than a minute for her to fall into a deep sleep, letting her forget the events of the night.

When she woke, she could feel something cold pressed against her. For a moment, her heart swelled as she allowed herself to think that maybe it was Godric, but the feeling lasted only a moment. Her eyes filled with tears and she fought to swallow them back, especially after a cold arm wrapped round her and pulled her into an equally cold chest. A few tears spilled out of her eyes and she quickly brushed them away to look up at Eric

"Sorry" she muttered.

Eric didn't respond, but the small squeeze of his arm round her waist told her he understood and she was forgiven. Wordlessly, Eric got out of bed and moved into the bathroom. Lydia pulled herself together and also slid out of bed. She still couldn't face going back to her hotel room, so instead she moved down the corridor to the room she knew Isabel was staying in. She raised her hand to knock, but the door opened before said hand connected to the wood. Isabel looked at her with a sympathetic look and stepped to one side, motioning with her arm for Lydia to enter.

"Lyia. Come in" she said softly.

Lydia found herself once again fighting back the tears as she entered the room. As soon as the door clicked shut, she found herself being engulfed by Isabel. She wrapped her arms around the Spanish woman's waist and though she didn't cry, her breath became very shaky. When she pulled away, she gave Isabel a small smile.

"So, Sheriff. What do we do now?" she asked, swallowing the lump that appeared at the word sheriff.

Isabel looked thoughtful for a few seconds before she replied.

"Godric always said to me that should something ever happen to him, you were to inherit anything and everything he owned. That included a small house he owned near Eric in Shreveport and all his possessions both at the house, at the nest and various other places he had items locked away."

Lydia nodded, her head trying to come round to the fact that Godric hadn't even been gone twenty four hours yet here she was being told that everything that just a few hours earlier had belonged to him, were now all hers. It didn't feel right, and she felt herself feeling light headed.

"There's also the monetary matters. Godric had quite a lot of money saved. That also now belongs to you."

Lydia looked up at Isabel in surprise. She didn't think Godric would ever give her all his money as well as his possessions. She didn't ask how much the total was, and to be honest she was still mourning his death too much to really care, but she couldn't help but wonder how much the total came to. As if she could read the teenager's thoughts, Isabel continued speaking.

"The last time I spoke with Godric about what you would inherit, he told me that he had approximately one hundred and sixty million dollars stored away. That was about three years ago so it's probably a bit more than that now. I'll go to the bank and arrange the money to be transferred to you as soon as possible."

Lydia stopped listening at the word million. The light headed feeling she had increased and she felt herself sinking to the floor to stop herself from passing out. Isabel crouched down next to her, a concerned look on her face.

"Lydia, are you okay?" she asked softly.

Lydia took a couple of steady breaths before answering.

"Uh-huh. I'm fine." her voice was slightly high pitched and despite the situation, Isabel couldn't help but smile.

A knock at the door interrupted them and Isabel opened it to a stony faced Eric. He came into the room and raised a questioning eyebrow when he saw Lydia sitting on the floor, a look of stunned shock on her face.

"What's wrong with her?" he asked Isabel.

"I just told her exactly what Godric left her, including the money"

Eric chuckled before helping Lydia off the floor. His face turned serious as he started speaking.

"Lydia, I know it's quick, but I have an offer. If you wish to, you are more than welcome to move to Louisiana with me. Of course, you could stay with Isabel or even go somewhere completely alone, but I just wanted to give you the offer nonetheless."

Lydia studied him carefully, once again shocked at his attitude. When she determined to herself that he was indeed being serious, she looked at Isabel. She knew the next few months were going to be extremely busy and tough for the new sheriff and couldn't help but wonder if she could cope living in the nest without Godric being there. She then studied Eric carefully and noticed that even though he appeared to be back to his usual self, something was missing in his eyes; the slight sparkle he always had wasn't there and had been replaced by sorrow only she could see. She walked over to Isabel and took her hands.

"To be honest the thought of living in Texas without Godric terrifies me. So does the thought of being totally alone. Isabel, I love you so much but right now I need Eric."

She looked over her shoulder to see Eric giving her a surprised look. Clearly he'd been expecting her to either stay in Texas or move on somewhere completely different. She caught his gaze with her own and he gave her a small nod. Isabel hugged her tightly.

"I will miss you."

"I know, Isabel. I promise I'll keep in touch."

Isabel nodded and gave her one last hug, red tears falling down her face. Eric announced his plans to return to Louisiana that day and Lydia, though sad at the thought of leaving her home behind, couldn't help but be relieved to leave as soon as possible. Isabel arranged to have her possessions sent to her and spoke to a bellhop to pack Lydia's things so that Lydia wouldn't have to go back to the room she had shared with Godric.

As the plane left Texas, Lydia felt her heart swell with sorrow. She didn't even bother to wipe away the tears that poured out of her eyes. She was leaving everything behind, including the love of her life and if she was honest to herself, she wasn't sure if she would cope. Only time would tell.


	2. Enough is Enough

The first week was the hardest for Lydia. She felt like a zombie; refusing to eat, barely sleeping and not uttering a word to anyone. It started while they were still on the flight back to Louisiana. After she stopped crying, she simply placed her head on the window and stopped talking. Even as they got off the plane and Pam greeted them, she didn't even smile, just walked past the blonde vampire and slid into the passenger seat of the red Corvette sat waiting in the parking lot. Pam gave Eric a concerned look, and he simply shook his head in response, silently telling her that he would explain everything when they got back to Fangtasia.

As soon as they arrived at the bar, Lydia climbed out the car and made her way to Eric's office, sitting down on the black sofa as soon as she entered the room. Eric stayed outside to say good bye to Sookie and return her car to her.

"Let me know how Lydia is" she said to the tall viking.

Eric said nothing, simply nodded. As he watched the yellow car disappear from sight, he felt Pam come up behind him and turned to greet her.

"So, I take it Lydia isn't coping well."

Eric nodded.

"You guessed right. She's probably not going to recover. I only bought her back here in the hope that it might help her."

It was Pam's turn to nod.

"And you? Will you be okay?" she asked her maker.

Eric turned his back to her, his face momentarily showing the pain he felt. There was a moment of silence before he answered in a quiet, pained voice.

"I will be...fine."

Pam didn't believe him but wisely kept her opinion to herself, deciding that she did in face enjoy existing. She watched Eric disappear down the corridor to his office and shook her head sadly, pained to see her maker in obvious distress.

Eric stood outside the door for a few seconds, debating whether or not to go into the room. Eventually, he stood further upright and pushed the door open, letting it bump against the wall. Lydia jumped and looked up at him with wide eyes.

"What's wrong?" she asked.

Eric shrugged.

"Nothing. I just felt like it."

Lydia frowned.

"Jerk" she muttered, but they both knew she barely meant it.

Eric sat in the chair behind his desk and gazed at Lydia for a few seconds. Lydia stared back at him, one eyebrow raised questioningly.

"You do know you didn't have to come with me, don't you?"

Lydia swallowed a sudden lump in her throat and nodded.

"I know. But like you said, maybe being away from Dallas will help. I can go back any time."

Eric doubted that. He knew from experience that to move away from somewhere that holds such a tragic memory meant that you would never go back. He knew he would never go back to Dallas again because of Godric's death and he could tell that Lydia would be the same; it would just be too much to bare. He watched Lydia for a few more minutes and when she yawned, he stood up.

"Let's go. The sun is going to rise soon and we both need rest."

Lydia nodded and silently followed him out of the room, not even flinching when he scooped her into his arms and flew to his house. She silently went up to her room and the last thing Eric heard before the sunlight lured him to sleep were the sounds of her muffled sobs coming from her face shoved into a pillow.

...

A fortnight passed and Eric grew increasingly worried about Lydia. She would be awake every morning as he fell asleep and awake when he rose. He didn't see her eat a thing and he could almost see her skin paling as she grew weaker and weaker. The most worrying thing for him however was not her health physically, but emotionally. Ever since that fist night when she cried herself to sleep, Eric had seen no emotion in her. Her eyes were dull and she only spoke if someone spoke to her first. She showed no sadness, but also showed no anger or happiness either. Eric knew that he himself wasn't a good role model after all, to the naked eye, he seemed to be completely over Godric. The truth was that he still felt as broken as before, he just felt that he couldn't not continue on. Something was stopping him from being able to completely accept Godric was dead and so he found he could push his feelings aside to continue as normal.

Even Sookie tried to cheer the teenager up by taking her shopping, but even though Lydia (who usually adored shopping) allowed herself to be pulled along, Sookie knew that she wasn't interested. When Sookie dropped Lydia off at the bar that night, Lydia wasted no time in disappearing into Eric's office while Sookie searched for the viking, finding him in his usal perch overlooking the visitors to the bar. Eric caught her gaze with his and inclined his head, inviting her forwards.

"How was it?" he asked her.

Sookie gave him a sorrowful look.

"I'm sorry, I really tried. She just started into space half the time and I just couldn't motivate her to do anything. I really don't know what to do Eric."

Eric didn't respond but for once Sookie could tell that his lack of response wasn't out of anger with her failure but rather out of worry for the teenager.

"Thank you for trying" Eric said, trying to sound as sincere as he could.

"Anytime. Hey, I just had an idea. Whenever I was feeling really down, I would often ring Sam, my boss, and ask if I could come in as that always cheered me up a bit. Maybe you could offer Lydia a job here. After all, she's over eighteen so can legally serve alcohol to people."

Eric looked at Sookie, surprised she came up with the idea and even more surprised that he hadn't.

"Sookie, you are amazing. I'll try that and see how it goes."

Sookie smiled.

"I'm sure she'll be back to normal before you know it. I gotta go or else I'll be late for work myself, but I hope it goes well. Tell her I said goodbye."

Eric nodded and didn't wait for her to leave before he was out of his chair and inside his office before the customers at the bar could blink. Lydia looked up in surprise at his rushed entrance, but her look turned to confusion when she found a skinny Fangtasia t-shirt being thrown at her. She picked it up in her hand and gave Eric a questioning look.

"Umm, what's this for?"

Eric smirked.

"Work. As of this minute, you are the new barmaid here. You will work a minimum of three nights a week, and one day a week you will be expected to aid ginger with the delivery."

Eric saw a spark of anger in Lydia's eyes and couldn't repress the relief he felt at the emotion.

"What?" she asked, her voice a low hiss.

"You heard me. I've had enough of your moping about. I know Godric dying has broken you, so now it's time to start putting those pieces back together. We're starting with the barmaid job."

Lydia jumped off the sofa, fists clenched.

"You didn't even ask me, Eric! What if I don't WANT to be fixed? You have no right in making me do ANYTHING! I'm doing fine!"

Eric let out a small growl that made Lydia flinch and he stepped forwards. His eyes burnt into hers and he lowered his face so that their noses were almost touching.

"And I suppose not eating or sleeping is your idea of being fine? I'm pretty sure that's called suicide! You WILL work and if you don't like it, you know where the door is"

Lydia stepped back as if she'd been slapped and gave him a hurt look.

"You think I'm trying to kill myself? She asked."

"Lydia, look in the next mirror you see and tell me that's the same fiery spirited girl I knew even three weeks ago. And I do mean it, if you refuse the job, you refuse my care and I will expect you out by the time I return in the morning."

Lydia turned her back to him as she felt a wave of despair hit her. She heard the whooshing sound as he left at vampire speed and as the door slammed shut behind him, a single, hopeless tear slid down her cheek.


	3. No More

_I want to apologise for the lateness of this update. This chapter and the one after will be quite short, but then the story will pick up, I promise!_

Lydia wiped the tear off her face and looked in the mirror to see what Eric meant. She couldn't deny that she'd lost weight and she definitely couldn't deny the way her eyes had lost their usual shine and spark. She no longer looked like the bright, happy girl with her whole future ahead of her. Instead she simply looked empty and lost. She continued to look in the mirror for a few more minutes before reluctantly tearing her gaze away and back into the empty room. Eric's words echoed in her head and she found herself regretting the way she refused his job offer. She knew it was too late though; he wouldn't want her to accept the job now. In fact, she knew that when he told her to leave, it's exactly what he meant. Fortunately, Isabel had given her the keys to Godric's houses, so she at least had somewhere to go. Thinking quickly, Lydia decided that as it was nearing daylight, she would walk around town for a while and when the sun had fully risen, she would head back to Eric's to pack up her things.

As she walked, she saw a few people around, mainly vampires heading to their houses before daylight and the odd human out walking their dogs or out for a morning walk. It wasn't long before the sun had begun to rise, so Lydia made her way back to the bar. There, she saw ginger, who had already started to clean up from the night before.

"We're closed" the blonde called over her shoulder.

"It's only me." Lydia replied.

Ginger span round and gave her a grin.

"Well hey there sugar! Want something to eat? Maybe drink? Oh wait you aren't old enough to drink yet are you?"

Lydia shook her head.

"No, I'm not old enough. Also, I'm not hungry. I'm just back to grab my bag from Eric's office."

Ginger silently watched as the young woman disappeared out the back, returning a few minutes later with her bag slung over her shoulder. Lydia gave the waitress a quick wave before leaving the building. She gave it a sad look; she had so many memories here, not all of them good yet not all of them bad. Other than Godric's, Fangtasia was the only place she'd ever felt truly at home and accepted.

Taking a deep breath to steady her emotions, Lydia turned and headed back to Eric's house. As she walked through the front door, she looked around just in case Eric had stayed awake but to her relief, she saw him in his bed, oblivious to the world. She walked to her room and pulled her suitcase out, grateful that she had only brought the necessary items she'd need from Dallas.

It didn't take her long to pack and by the time she'd finished, the sun had only just fully risen. She called for a cab and whilst waiting for it, she scribbled a quick note to Eric, leaving it on his nightstand, along with the keys to his house and the bar. Just as she exited Eric's room, she heard the car horn of the cab. She gave Eric a kiss on the cheek before moving over to her bag and leaving the house.

Lydia had never seen Godric's home out in Louisiana before; he hadn't seen her while she'd been living out there but had always stayed in his home and she was unable to visit him. As the car pulled up a narrow road, Lydia noticed that there were no houses nearby and when they finally reached a clearing, her mouth dropped open. Standing in front of her were a pair of iron gates, shutting off access to a driveway easily big enough for ten cars, leading up to a large plantation-style house.

"Wow" she whispered to herself.

The taxi driver turned to face her.

"You sure you want this house? Nobody's lived here in years."

Lydia nodded and gave him a small smile.

"Yeah, I do. I'm moving in today."

"You're a bit young to own a place like this aren't you?"

Lydia nodded again.

"Yeah. I recently inherited it."

The taxi driver whistled in admiration.

"Well ma'am I must say you are a very lucky young woman."

Lydia's smile faded slightly.

"Well, some may say that. Personally I would rather live back in Dallas with the man that owned it than be here without him."

The driver smiled sympathetically.

"I can understand that. I felt the same when I moved to Louisiana after my wife died. Say, do you need any help?" he asked her kindly.

"Thank you so much but I only have this to unpack. Everything else I need is already in the house."

The driver nodded.

"No worries. Well, I hope everything goes well for you."

"Thank you" Lydia responded and found herself giving him a genuine smile.

She gave him the fare and climbed out of the cab, giving a small wave as it disappeared out of sight. She then turned to face the white building and even though she was consumed with a sudden sadness, she couldn't stop the shiver of excitement that ran through her at the chance to start afresh and on her own terms. She reached into her bag and pulled out the set of keys Isobel had given her and studied them, looking for a small one. After her time living with Godric she knew that the only way to open the gate was with a small key inserted into a mains box on a post next to the gate. She found the key and gave a satisfactory smile when she inserted it into the box and the gate opened.

It took a moment before Lydia was able to walk through the gate but when she did and it clanged shut behind her, she felt a sense of calm wash over her. She made her way up to the front door and, after trying three different keys, she finally let herself in. The moment her foot touched the floor inside the doorway, she sank to her knees and began sobbing as Godric's faded presence hit her.


End file.
